17.

As a first time mom, I think what I’m most scared about is obviously, like, birth. That’s probably my biggest fear.

I’ve always felt like I was supposed to be a mom, though. I wouldn’t say that I’m scared, but are there obviously nerves where I don’t really know what to expect kind of vibe? Yeah.

I’m nervous about the schedule. I think I’m most anal about getting them on the schedule. And then my cousin just had her baby who’s seven weeks, and she said, “forget a schedule!” She doesn’t live by one.

You also get so much advice, right? When you’re a first time mom, you get all kinds of random. Like, this one lady was like, “the air dryer. Just blow air on their face with a hairdryer.” And she’s like, “that’ll make them stop crying.”

Then someone else told me, putting garlic on their feet. I’m telling you, I get the weirdest advice! I’m serious, the weirdest stuff. And she’s like, “if they’re sick, just put garlic on their feet.” And I’m like, “okay, thank you so much.” New information, right?

Because you don’t know what to expect, really. I don’t know if I’m just being naive or what, but I’m not really nervous. I feel like I can do it. And I ask Mando all the time if he’s nervous, and he’s not really. I would say he’s more nervous than me, but I wouldn’t say he’s that nervous either.

Granted, our kid could come out and just be upset all the time, but we’ll be scared straight. I don’t know. We’ll find out. In our family, we have [kids] that are some are very calm, and some can just put themselves to sleep and soothe themselves. And then we have tornadoes who will rip through your house. They don’t know what low energy is. So it’s really like a toss up. Just have to wait and see.

I think I’ve just accepted it because our littlest baby in our family absolute tornado. Just absolute. So I think I’ve just braced myself for a tornado energy. And then if I get someone who just sits there and doesn’t want to crawl, because that’s how I was- my mom just put me down, and she would walk away and then come back, and I would still be in the same spot. I was just, like, chilling, and I’d just be sitting there.

Then my brother, who’s a year older than me, he would break his arms to his teeth. He was jumping from couch to couch. He was crazy. He was trying to get the top of the fridge so he can jump out of it. He was putting me on chairs, and I would just sit on them. And my parents kind of just looked at me like, “is she okay?” Because she has no energy compared to my brother.

We were just very different, so we honestly have no idea.

{What are you most looking forward to as a new mom?}

I would say the biggest thing, because we’re both different races- is to see what she’s going to look like. I don’t know if she’s going to have light hair. I don’t know if she’s going to have blue or brown eyes. I don’t know if she’s going to be tan because I’m very pale. I sunburned in like 2 minutes in the car. Mando tan’s like crazy. So it’s really like the unknown.

[On] all of our ultrasounds, her hands are on her face, so we’ve not even seen the outline of her face. So we have no idea what she’s going to look like, which is kind of fun. That’s probably my most asked question, is people want to know what I think she’s going to look like.

In my head, when I imagine her, she’s going to look like me, of course. But she’s going to be a little bit tanner. I already have kind of brownish hair, but I was born with blonde. But yeah, [I see] light brown hair, probably brown eyes because we both have brown eyes, even though everyone on my mom’s side has blue. Same with my dad, pretty much. So I don’t know how me and my mom are the only one with brown, but whatever. So is there a chance? I guess possibly, but that’s how I imagine her: brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin. So we’ll see.

{Is there a certain age you are looking forward to?}

I know that I like around two years old, like when they’re a little bit more mobile, a little bit more interested and alert. That’s probably my favorite age. And I know a lot of people are like, just wait until they start walking. I think that’s funner. You could get a tornado, like I said, but even then, it’s just more fun. The activities are funner. They’re more interested in bubbles, and it’s their first time for a lot of things. Like the first time at the zoo, their first time at the park, their first time seeing a swing. And then they’re like, “what do I do with this?” Even in the most mundane things, like, seeing everything for the first time again with a baby, I think is what I’m most excited about.

{What does the word motherhood mean to you?}

I would say the first thing that jumped to my head was like, bonding and friend for life. Like someone that’s tied to you for life. And no matter what you do or what happens, they’re always going to be like, your baby. {she starts to tear up} I don’t know why that made me so sad, so sweet.

{What surprised you about becoming a mother?}

Right now, I’m in my third trimester, right? And so my body is getting ready for birth, so my ribs are separating and I’m feeling her a lot more. She’s a lot more in my lung area where she kicks me. I feel a lot more like suffocated. Wasn’t ready for that hip pain. The round ligament pain. The most gnarliest pain. I don’t even know what to even compare it to. I can’t sleep on one side or the other and you just toss and turn all night.

You can’t sleep because your ligaments hurt and then you can’t breathe because your kid’s kicking your insides and your ribs are spreading to make room for your being able to breathe and stuff. What I say would surprise me the most is how crazy women’s bodies are. They really are gnarly.

And then I’ve been studying for birth and seeing how much so they’re like, “yeah, once you get to 10 CM, that’s when you push the baby out.” You don’t know how big 10 CM is until you look it up. You don’t really realize where you start and then where you end at. It’s kind of interesting, right? Like, I’ve been to health, but I wasn’t really caring in 7th grade.

Now I’ve looked at it and I’m like, “oh!” You know what I mean? I can’t believe my body can do that. I had to watch it a couple of times. Just different videos, like how to breathe, things like that. How can I find my peace when this is happening? Because some people want to do an epidural. I’m going to because I have zero pain tolerance. But my mom couldn’t get an epidural. She has scoliosis. I have scoliosis. So we could get there. I’m like, “yeah, I have this birth plan. This is how it’s going to be.” Get to the hospital. “I’m sorry, ma’am, we can’t do an epidural for you.” Scary, but that’s where I’m on the fence on that.

{What’s the most embarrassing thing your kid has ever done? So we’re not quite there yet…}

She hasn’t really done anything besides not show me her face her entire time she’s been inside of me and living inside of my body and eating everything I eat. Like it’s fine. {this was sarcastic}

{And then this one’s not yet either. Did anything funny happen during your birth experience?}

We hope so. We hope something great happens and we hope she’s like a ten minute; she’s two pounder; whoop don’t even have to get to ten because she just slips right out of there. That’s what we’re hoping for. Like not really any contraction. That’s what I want to sign up for.

{What’s your favorite thing about your life right now?}

Honestly, preparing for her and getting everything ready. Like we literally got a house for her. This is literally her house. We were fine renting, right? And we always talked about, “oh, one day we’re going to do this, so we’re going to do that.”

That’s why we moved to Colorado last year was because we really wanted to be adventurous and we were able to be mobile. And why not live somewhere else? Because we knew at some point we would want a home and we would want to invest into a property and got pregnant.

I immediately looked at Mando and I was like, “we have to get a house.” That’s it. Even though it’s, like, 45 minutes from my mom. This was just a better deal and it was a new construction. We were like, we have to do it. Even if I move in two years and this becomes a rental or something, we have to invest. That’s always what we said, and that’s ultimately what we did. So just preparing for her in everything that we do, every step of the way, has been probably the funnest part.

All content and information on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult your doctor for advice on your particular medical situation.

This is part of our First Time Mom series, where we follow new moms from their expectations before the baby arrives, through the early postpartum phase, and follow up a year or two later to see how things shake out for them as they go through the process.

Full disclosure: this is my cousin.

If you are a first time mom and would like to share your experience, please email me at: shareyourstory@motherhoodrevealed.com

Here’s an opinion piece on offering advice to new mothers.

And here’s another opinion piece that offers ways to deal with unsolicited advice.