16.

It was a bigger shift for me, I think internally, than I anticipated, because it was such a shift of my personal identity as well. I went from being a full time working mom and having that whole life during the day- relationships at work that were not revolving around my home life- and then going totally the opposite.

And it was losing a big part of myself in a sense, because that was also a creative outlet for me to plan my therapy lessons and things like that. And then just full time mom with littles who give you no feedback and no appreciation and no gratitude when it is a full time, 24/7 around the clock job with littles that aren’t sleeping well and there’s just really no break.

I felt very exhausted working full time and never had a break then, but looking back, I could still be in my office or classroom, shut the door and have 15 minutes alone and not talk to anybody. But when you have a four year old and a newborn and a six year old, you can’t do that.

That was a big adjustment in just switching to being a full time, stay at home mom. And I have no regrets. I love it. I think it’s been the best thing for our family, but I think it was a big just adjustment.

I think it took almost a whole school year of me trying to shift my mindset and not think about things I was so programmed to think about, even little things… I would see toys my kids would play with, like, “oh, I can use this with my students” and be like, “oh, I don’t have students.” And then it would kind of turn into, like, when will I ever do that again? What should I do next? And I left working knowing and thinking I’d be going back at some point. So it’s kind of also this other kind of thing that’s hanging over me about what’s next? What should I do?

That part of me too, I feel like gets smaller and smaller every year, being more and more distanced from working, that then there’s that worry of like, ‘will I even know what to do if I go back to work?’

I’m used to not getting up and getting fully dressed in the morning before I do anything anymore. And it does feel good to do that some days, but then it also feels like a waste some days because I’m playing with my kids in the dirt or something outside, like, why do I want to get dressed for the day? But then I feel like I lose a little sense of being a grown up woman if I don’t do that every now and again.

I do feel like I’ve come into a mental peace. I’ve just learned to adjust my mindset a little bit like: this is my job now, and this is my role. I don’t have this thing I go to during the day. My job is being a mom and entertaining and teaching and caring for my children. Thinking about that has helped me shift my perspective of putting on different types of clothes throughout the day or the fact that I got nothing accomplished today.

“Oh wait, I took care of three children. I made three children’s lunches and breakfasts and dinners and cleaned and did laundry and I might not have folded a thing but I got it in the washing machine that day and they are happy and healthy and that is my job is to care for them right now.”

Once I got to that understanding, [I] was like, ‘oh- this is how I adjust and not feel like I’m not accomplishing something.’ I would have a job with a to do list and I could check off ten things a day and at home I maybe get to one. That was a real hard thing for me to switch over.

There might not be a to do list. [It’s] more of like, you add to your list of everything you’ve done. I’ve fed them and I took them to school and I took them to the park or we went on a walk or all these things that I did do today, but I didn’t do any home projects or home care or whatever. But I did a lot today, actually. That was the biggest shift.

Then on a whole other note was just a change in relationships and friendships. I worked with people who we had a lot of common interests outside of children. We did similar jobs, obviously we worked together so we had a lot in common to talk about outside of our kids. And so then having to find a whole new set of people and those people [from work] were busy during the day when I was not.

I didn’t think about that when I quit because I was just focused on: I need to get out of this job, I want to spend more time with my family. I think it all comes down to- I didn’t have any idea it was going to be the way it was or to even prepare myself for how it was going to be.

For me personally, losing that sense of identity- I had been a speech pathologist for 13 years, and that was a big part of who I was. The relationships of being with people every day. It’s a relationship building kind of job, working collaboratively with other professionals.

I was working with other adults and talking to other adults and then switching to not having that during the day, not having any outlet other than taking care of kids and realizing that I would have to make new friends. And then how do you do that when you’re not seeing people every day?

It took a long time. I mean, two years in and still kind of trying to find a group of friends that I feel like we have a lot in common other than the fact that we all have kids the same age in a preschool.

{You have 3 daughters. Do you get comments from people about that?}

I just prepared to hear, like, “oh, three girls!” Yeah, we have a lot of glitter, a lot of pink things in my house because all three of mine are pretty girly girls, at least right now.

I think my husband gets different responses. He’s been offended a couple of times where people have said, “still trying for that boy?”

They were going through security at an airport and looked at our youngest and was like, “was that supposed to be your boy?” And he was just, “excuse me?!” He wanted to kind of talk back to him, but he was the TSA agent, so he was like, I don’t really want to get in trouble with him.

He gets more of the “where’s the boy? Are you going to keep trying for the boy?”

Where it’s like, I’m done. Three is very overwhelming for me. I think no matter even if I had a fourth girl, I would be in big trouble. It’d be like, way too much for me to handle. I get a lot of like, “oh, wow, what’s life going to be like in your house with three teenage girls?”

Seeing them all play together, I think it’s really sweet. They’re going to be close, and I love that.

That was already a decided thing that this was my last baby. There was a little bit of like, “oh, I’m not going to have that experience of having a son.” My husband is still adamant that he loves having three girls, he feels like he was born to be a girl dad, and he is amazing with them. He coaches soccer.

It’s fascinating to me that around two years of age, they want to start playing that they’re mommy and they have a baby and they push a stroller and they have a purse and things in their purse. I have not set them up to only play with that. We have cars and we have Legos, and they like those too, but that’s definitely not the favorite.

{What surprised you about becoming a mother?}

The intense feeling of love and sacrifice that you’re totally willing to give up everything for this little person that doesn’t even barely open their eyes.

When I first became a mom, I was working full time and doing the whole pumping and nursing around the clock. She didn’t sleep well. I think I was just in survival mode. But then looking back, it’s like, “wow, I did that without ever thinking of not doing it.” You know what I mean? There was no question of, this is what I have to do. It was not like, “tomorrow, I’m done. I’m leaving. Good luck. God speed. Yeah, I’m out. This is hard.” It was that you just do it, and that’s what you do for this little person you created.

{What does the word motherhood mean to you?}

I would say all encompassing, all consuming. It’s every part of my life. Even when I was working, everything I did was for those girls.

{Have your children ever done something that embarrassed you?}

It’s when you realize you haven’t taught them certain social behaviors- [like] in the grocery store, pointing to people that look a lot different and being like, “why are they wearing that?” Or “that person is so, like F-A-T” and you’re trying to hush and get out of the situation, and you can’t, and it just makes it worse.

My middle is so blunt about things that sometimes scary because I don’t want her to say stuff and she doesn’t want to give it up because she wants to feel heard, so she just keeps repeating it, and you’re like, “stop talking.” Check that off to a lesson I haven’t taught yet.

{Did anything funny happen during your birth experience? Details, please.}

Yes. So my first birth, when it went into C section, I was, like, in shock because I think in my head I had this whole, ‘I’m going to have this natural birth experience’ and had it all planned out and being kind of more of a control freak and first time mom nervous about it all. And then it was like, “oh, you’re having this baby right now on an operating table.” I think my eyes were just wide open the whole time.

I look over at my very tall husband, and they gave him a set of scrubs to put on, and he couldn’t fit in them because he’s so tall. It was like a one piece. The crotch was, like, too small for him to put it over his shoulders. So he’s laughing. And I’m, like, half laughing, but half mad at him for laughing because this is a very serious thing that’s about to happen.

So that was kind of a funny. I think I even said, “can someone get him, like, a two piece set or something?”

I think my third again in shock because she came a month early and me kind of knowing the drill at that point of what was going to happen, but then being very uncomfortable. And I was kind of almost being goofy, like, “oh, I know what’s next!” Kind of silly comments.

I was very concerned that I was going to throw up everywhere. I just remember telling people, like, “I throw up. I throw up in this.” I guess it’s not really funny. More embarrassing on my end.

One of the people in the room -I don’t even know what role she was- came over as I was leaving was like, “I just have to tell you, because no one will ever tell you this, but you have a beautiful uterus.” And I was like, “okay.” That was unique. Thank you, I guess?

{What’s your favorite thing about your life right now?}

The giggles when all of them are laughing. My oldest is kind of starting to be a little pre-teeny, but she’s still in a really fun place. And then the two year old is just funny, and so I feel like we’re just in a good sweet spot of their personalities.

All content and information on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult your doctor for advice on your particular medical situation.

Verywell Family has an opinion article about how to make the transition from working parent to stay at home parent easier.

If you are interested in reading stories of parents who dealt with gender disappointment and how they navigate having 3 children of the same gender, here’s a Reddit thread that I found on the topic.